I remember hearing about this story back when r/altright wasn’t banned yet. I thought it was pretty funny. I recently found it while going through some imgur archives.
Dumb weaboo autist can’t understand why his brother is angry at him for abandoning his family and moving to Japan.
First of all I just have to say that I am amazed at the response from the community! There was such a good mix of insight, advice, and interesting comments that really made me think, so thank you all!
Sorry the followup took so long. I clicked ‘share’ and left town with my girlfriend for a few days to ACTUALLY relax and enjoy my vacation.
Okay, so here we go as promised we’re gonna get into the nitty-gritty. Lets see what’s really going on here.
You wanted details?! You got DETAILS! I hope you like reading. TLDR at the bottom
To clear some things up and broaden your understanding: He’s older than me. And he’s very well off. He has a very high paying job that he loves (or says he does at least). So I dont think its a ‘jealousy’ thing.
So, at first I was really torn about whether or not I should just take him into the heart of the madness and see him overflow with excitement and joy (like I did when I first came to visit) OR if I should slowly ease him into things. I didnt know what he expected or how he would react so up until he landed I was still pondering. After we got on our first couple trains heading to our AirBnB I was talking about the fun, crazy, things I have in store for us (just kinda giving a nice forewarning)I could just see that he was already a bit overwhelmed. That was when I decided we should just take it easy. As difficult as that is in Tokyo.
Wow! I did not expect this to happen! It seems to be a pretty common occurrence that not many know about until its too late. I didnt know Culture Shock was such a serious problem. Hopefully this post raises some awareness about it at the very least.
I love you people. I’ll be your tour guide any time!
Day 1: Shinjuku
I know, I know. If you know about Shinjuku you are thinking I’m an idiot for bringing him here first. BUT, he wanted to go drinking, and what better place then a nice little bar scene. We ended up hopping around Golden Gai. He should used to this type of environment. We’ve gone bar-hopping in America countless times and its always been a great time. And sure enough it was a good call. At first.
On the way to shinjuku:
We were in a crowded street walking and talking and he randomly mentioned “bukkake”. I asked him to please dont say that, its SUPER embarassing. He tried explaining why he said BUKKAKE, and its no big deal they probably dont know what he’s saying..BUKKAKE BUKKAKE..as I slowly sidestepped away while dying inside. I told him that word IS A JAPANESE WORD, please dont say that.
Queue awkward silence on the train…
We had some yakitori (fried chicken skewers) and beer for starters and things were looking okay for a time. But things started getting a little heated for no apparent reason. He was acting odd already but I didnt think anything of it at the time. He would kinda over-explain certain things in a somewhat condescending manner. Explaining that he doesnt want to try the chicken liver because of……*5 minute explanation*. I shrugged it off, I’ll eat it, no prob.
Fast forward 3-4 hours of drinking later.
We hit several bars, he seemed to try to stick with only communicating with foreigners instead of the english-speaking natives (which I didnt even realize until writing this)which is fine, it makes sense. During the cab ride home we got into a drunken argument about politics and other things. This is where things started to turn.
I dont remember what I said exactly but apparently it embarrassed HIM. Then in my drunken stupor I said “well its not as embarrassing as yelling out BUKKAKE in the middle of the train station 4 times”. He gets embarrassed that the cab driver has to listen to me/us. So I talk to the driver in Japanese and ask him if he knows what it means, yadda-yadda, and we have a laugh about it, nbd. I am sure the driver has been asked that in 8 different languages over the course of the day. I’m not sure why Broski got so offended over that. Sleepy time.
Day 2: Asakusa
Wake up feeling like the walking-dead and head to the nearest Ramen shop. We feel much better because Ramen cures damn near everything. We decide to have a nice day of sightseeing. There are lots of cool sights abound, but he seems so aloof and disinterested, not just hung-over. I’m standing there wide-eyed hoping for a cool reaction. Nothing. I mean, I know he cant read anything but just looking at a 12 meter tall gate is pretty damn cool. Kaminarimon. Google that shit.
I explain the legend of the temple (as best a foreigner can) and talk about the ‘magical incense’ that cures everything. 0 shits given. I have to basically force him to get his fortune at the shrine. There was no line and it was 100yen. Once in a lifetime opportunity for him. I get the worst fortune possible (go figure). He gets the best one possible. It’s crazy super rare. The locals FREAK OUT if they see that one. Of course he didnt care or understand the point and thats fine. But its something touristy and interesting to do.
We hop on the next train..
He thinks Shibuya crossing is just a dumb road, and to each their own, but you have to at least TRY to appreciate how interesting it is. I explain that it is very popular. He says that he has NEVER heard of it and doesnt understand why its popular. I tell him that its been in countless movies and stuff. Its cool to watch everyone cross and cross yourself. “They’re crossing the street…ok.” ::confused stare::
We see the amazing statue of Hachiko which is a national treasure and I absolutely love it. I try to briefly explain the story and how the statue symbolizes loyalty and its very popular. He asks me if I made that up or if the Japanese people ripped that off of a Hollywood movie or TV. I explain that the statue has been around for like 80+ years. Everything he has seen has probably copied the story of Hachiko. He doesnt really want a picture, but he gets one anyways. I tried not to pressure him too hard, but its cool and takes 2sec to take a pic. And COME ON theres a little cat nestled, sleeping in the statue, that was freaking adorable! Anyways, on to the next stop!
A couple beers and food and we’re just chatting. At some point I ask if he’d like Pepto Bismol to help him feel better, he (again) condescendingly begins to explain in detail how it works, the 5 points of interest and the chemical compounds. I jokingly cut him off and tell him I didnt bring my notebook for the test later. He gets annoyed and says that its kind of a dick move to pick on something he likes(HMMMMMMM…ya dont say..) [He likes chemicals and stuff, which is part of his job, not just Pepto. Thats weird.].
I’ve been speaking quite a bit of Japanese up until this point and he begins to randomly say things in Spanish, then explain it to me. Obviously trying to flex his language muscles. I tell him that its good and that I encourage him to study the language. Its very rewarding. This segues into another conversation about the wall that Trump is gonna build and that its going to be good for ‘MURICA and how he doesnt need to learn Spanish.
FUN! And GAMES! And more FUN! Or so I thought. As I mentioned, he is an avid gamer, always has been. He has a badass system that rivals NASA and loves his Oculus Rift. We start playing some games and heres where ShiT. Gets. Real. weird.
He kept saying the Oculus Rift spoiled him so these games arent cool. Which is total bullshit. I’ve used the OR and its pretty cool, but these games are cool too. They are so creative and interesting. We played a few games that are pretty simple to understand like shooting games with a twist. There’s a cool came where you can attach the two guns together and it makes different guns. Its interesting and fun. He tried for a few seconds and said its dumb. Ok, NEXT!
The only games he liked to play are the crane games. Which he played like a fucking crack addict. He would pump $20 into a machine and keep grabbing the SAME DAMN SPOT hoping for it to work. I offered some advice but he wasnt having it. Then, it happened. After watching him fail 5x in a row I reached for the controls saying “Here, let me try to-”
“ITS MINE! What are you trying to do?! Steal my GLORY!?”
Literally screamed this in my face. I was completely wide-eyed, threw my arms up, pivoted and walked the fuck away….Ive never seen a 30yr old grown ass man turn into a 6yr old so fast. Its not like I was gonna keep the damn thing. But hey, he wanted “the glory”…of winning a toy….
$30-40 later he gave up. Good thing I didnt steal his glory..We play a few more games together, during which he loses to me each time. Says I was probably cheating etc….yeah, probably.
We go and have more snacks and drinks and calm down. He calls me a dumbass, I call him a piece of shit, we laugh, clink some shots, down the hatch, cheers. Needless to say, we end up drinking again. Its vacation, why not?
This is why not.
We are riding the cab back home smashed out of our gourds and arguing again. But he’s turned into some megalomaniac-super-racist. He says, and I’m paraprasing here but hitting the key points:
“Why does it bother you that I’m racist? You fucking hippy. You hate America, and you are basically a fucking terrorist. Why are you turning your back on America? I bet if Japan and America went to war you would pick Japan.”
I try to explain that its not about sides, I’m not choosing one over the other and that way of thinking is narrow-minded and shitty. You shouldnt try to make sides where there arent any at all.
Here’s the best part. Remember we are in a cab. Like…with a Japanese driver:::
“Well fine, marry a Jap BITCH and fucking stay here then.”
He’s been drunk before. So have I. A lot. But Hoooooly shit. I was embarassed as fuck and just as angry. The cab driver went a few more lights and dumped us out. The driver absolutely knew what Bro had said, and I knew it. We were not even close to our place. He continued to scream racist bullshit the whole way back. Keeps saying how much he cant wait to get back to the states and how much I RUINED his fucking vacation.
He has never acted like this ever. He has never been this mean or hateful ever. I truly have no idea where this came from and so obviously I was left pretty damn confused. I still am and he knows I am dating a Japanese girl. What he said plays on repeat in my head over and over again. It sucks. Thinking about the future and really, really not sure how thats gonna go…
OK – I hope you enjoyed the journey so far. Lets wrap this shit up.
In the morning we act like nothing happens. Get dressed and head out to eat some curry. He is simultaneously talking about how ‘hangry’ he is and how well he handles hot food. He is incredibly hungry, practically starving and wants a large order, SUPER SPICY. I tell him that he should be careful that American “spicy” and Japanese spicy are two COMPLETELY different things. He says he wants the hottest. We argue a bit and he eventually agrees to 5/10 spicy. Which is actually pretty damn spicy. But I’ve been here a few times and I’m fine with it. He continues to explain how much he loves ghost pepper lollipops so he’s not worried at all. But starving. Food comes and a few bites in he’s actually sweating, but saying its totally fine. I tell him not to push himself, but he keeps doing his best. I’m used to it, so I clean my plate. (unfair advantage, I know. But to be fair, I warned him) He barely eats half and quits saying that “I guess I wasnt so hungry after all” He complained his ass off and then barely touched his food..right…Im an idiot, obviously.
At this point I make some crack about how he is Thomas Edison or something. I dont remember it wasnt that funny. Point is, he begins to explain DC current vs AC current to me out of the blue. I’m humoring him because he keeps doing shit like this for some reason. He gets a napkin and pen and scrawls out some diagram while barely explaining and I’m just like ‘uh huh..uh huh..”
Told ya, I’m not making this up. And seriously, he never acts like this.
We leave and almost immediately start arguing again. We’ve never been like this. But there we are in downtown Roppongi arguing over dumb shit.
Finally I just say that this isnt going to get better. We cant even get from A to B without constantly arguing and that he should probably just go to the airport now. He agrees and says he cant wait. Its been a huge disaster and I’ve let him down. He cant explain HOW I’ve let him down, but I certainly have. OK. Got it.
We shake hands at the station and I say “I love you bro….but you gotta lighten up a little.”
“Love you too man. You gotta lighten up too. Like…for real.” He boards the train to Narita Airport.
And we havent spoken since.
TLDR; Vacation with brother turned into a Tokyo vacation babysitting a 6 year old Donald Trump. It sucked, and we havent spoken since he left. Brother felt way intimidated by the country and took all the inadequacy he felt out on me instead of just trying to enjoy himself. Dont do this. Just have fun people. Please. Japan is a fun place if you LET it be fun. I promise.
If you made it all the way through, thanks for reading! It hope it was as interesting to read as it was to write.